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Stranger Safety: Tricky People, Not Stranger Danger

Teaches body autonomy and the 'check first' rule — without making the world feel scary.

DiscussionAbout 30 minutesScreen-freeParent help expected

Materials and setup

Parent note

Pattison Turner and the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children recommend 'tricky people' over 'stranger danger' because ~90% of child abductions are by known adults. Don't scare — equip. The body-autonomy rule extends to family: forcing hugs with grandma teaches the opposite of what you want.

How this changes by age

Pre-K (ages 3–4)

Teaches body autonomy and the 'check first' rule — without making the world feel scary.

Difficulty 1 of 3

Steps

  1. Frame: most grown-ups are kind. We're learning a few simple rules so YOU stay in charge of you.
  2. Rule: a grown-up who is safe will NEVER ask a kid to keep a secret from mom/dad.
  3. Rule: a grown-up who is safe will NEVER ask a kid for help (looking for a lost puppy, carrying something to a car). Grown-ups ask grown-ups.
  4. Your body belongs to you. You can say 'no' to hugs, tickles, kisses — even from family. 'No' is a full sentence.
  5. Check-first: before you go anywhere, with anyone, to do anything — check with your grown-up first.

Learning objectives

  • State body-autonomy rule
  • Recognize the 'help-a-kid' lure
  • Use the check-first rule

Kindergarten (ages 5–6)

Introduces 'tricky people' (behavior-based, not appearance-based) and the family code word.

Difficulty 2 of 3

Steps

  1. Update the frame: 'strangers' isn't quite right — most abductions are by someone the kid knows. Better word: TRICKY PEOPLE. Anyone (known or unknown) who does one of the 'no-no' things is tricky.
  2. Tricky-people no-nos: asks a kid to keep a secret, asks a kid for help, offers candy/toys/rides, tells a kid to come with them without your permission.
  3. Family code word: pick a weird one together (e.g. 'waffle-taco'). If a grown-up ever says 'your parents sent me,' the kid asks for the code word. No code word = not safe.
  4. What to do if a tricky person approaches: say NO loud, run to a trusted adult (store clerk, mom with kids), tell immediately.

Learning objectives

  • Use 'tricky people' framework
  • Deploy code word
  • Practice loud-no + run + tell

Early elementary (ages 6–8)

Adds safe-stranger options when lost (find a mom with kids; find a uniformed employee) and walk-home / errand-alone rules.

Difficulty 2 of 3

Steps

  1. If you're lost and need help from someone you don't know: BEST option = a mom with kids. SECOND = an employee in uniform at a store. THIRD = another family. Avoid approaching a lone adult.
  2. Errand rules if you're home alone or walking somewhere: tell your parent where + when; take a phone; stick to known routes; don't take shortcuts through empty lots.
  3. If a car follows you: walk the opposite direction of the car (they have to turn around); head for a store or house with people.
  4. If someone grabs you: scream 'THIS IS NOT MY DAD/MOM' — not just 'help' (adults often think it's a tantrum).
  5. Practice each: role-play three scenarios with parent playing the tricky person.

Learning objectives

  • Triage safe helpers when lost
  • Execute walk-away from suspicious vehicle
  • Use specific abduction-scream script

Upper elementary (ages 8–10)

Covers online tricky people, grooming patterns, and trust-your-gut permission.

Difficulty 3 of 3

Steps

  1. Online grooming red flags: excessive flattery, asks to move conversation to a private app, asks for photos, asks you to keep the friendship a secret, claims to be 'the only one who understands you,' sends gifts.
  2. Grooming works over TIME — it's not just one creepy message. Trust slow weird patterns, not just single creepy events.
  3. If someone online asks for a photo of any kind — tell a parent. Same for asking to meet.
  4. In-person patterns: grown-ups who want to spend time alone with you and not other adults. Coaches / tutors / relatives who cross little rules (teasing about bodies, accidentally touches, tickling you don't want).
  5. GUT RULE: if something feels weird, it IS weird. You never need evidence to tell a parent. 'I don't like how X makes me feel' is enough — no explanation required.
  6. List 5 adults you could tell anything to. Tell them they're on the list.

Learning objectives

  • Recognize online + in-person grooming patterns
  • Use gut-rule as permission to report
  • Build trusted-adult network

Safety and evidence note

Read the full activity before beginning. An adult should supervise tools, heat, food, outdoor work, movement, and experiments as appropriate. Completion records that the activity was done; the child’s explanation, work sample, photo, or demonstration is stronger evidence of learning than a completion check alone.

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